(New York) It all started last month when Lance Hobson arrived at his apartment with exciting news to share with his roommate, Jason Riley. Hobson had just found out he was being promoted at his accounting firm.

“I ran into the living room and saw Jason sitting on the sofa. I told him I had big news to share with him. But at the exact time I said that, he said he had big news to share with me. After we kept talking over each other with the exact same statements,
we laughed and I told him go first. He then told me the devastating news that he had been laid off,” said Hobson.

As soon as Riley finished his news, he asked Hobson what his good news was. Hobson awkwardly replied that it was nothing, hating to gloat about his new promotion after just learning his roommate was jobless.

“Jason didn’t even press me. As soon as I said it was nothing, he just walked away. I thought that was odd, especially considering how awkward I was acting. I mean, I’m sure my face was all lit up when I walked in, so you’d think he would want to know what my big news was,” said Hobson.

That was when Hobson had the startling realization that his life has become nothing but one television cliché after another.

“Looking back now, it’s so obvious. I don’t know why I didn’t catch it sooner,” said Hobson, pausing to answer a call from a friend inviting him to dinner. “See? I just agreed to go to dinner with someone, but you never heard me mention a time or location. It was just, ‘Let’s go to dinner tonight!’ How will we know when and where to meet? And I didn’t even say goodbye when I hung up!”

Hobson said he is amazed he missed the earlier warning signs.

“For instance, Jason and I would be out at a party, then we’d come back to the apartment. As soon as we’d walk into the apartment, we’d start talking about the crazy events that had transpired earlier in the evening. But why did we wait so long to talk about it? Why didn’t we talk about it on the way home? I mean, we drove back in complete silence for a half hour,” said Hobson.

Hobson also realized his conversations with friends and coworkers have been filled with needless exposition.

“I ran into my high school girlfriend last week, and she’s all like, ‘Remember that time your dad grounded you for taking his car?’ Of course I remember it! It’s like our whole conversation happened just to establish that I have daddy issues and that I don’t speak to my father anymore. She knows that, and I know that. Why talk about it?” asked a frustrated Hobson.

Hobson’s roommate said he fails to see the big deal.

“I thought Lance was going to have a stroke last week when I came back from the grocery store carrying one paper bag with a baguette sticking out the top of it,” said Riley. “Then I sat down at the computer, and he starts screaming like a mad man about how every button I press is making a beeping sound and that computers don’t really work like that. I think he’s losing it.”

Hobson’s newfound awareness has allowed him to prevent some awkward moments.

“I overheard one of my coworkers talking on the phone saying he accidentally killed ‘her’ and that he was going to bury her in the backyard. Of course, I freaked out and assumed my coworker had murdered his wife. But instead of reporting him or confronting him about it, I asked around and discovered he was talking about his goldfish,” said Hobson. “My life might be out of control, but I refuse to let it turn into Three’s Company.”

Still, Riley is unconvinced.

“I don’t know if the pressure of his new job responsibilities is getting to him or what, but I thought I was going to have to slap him the other day when I told him I accidentally scheduled two dates on the same night and that I was going to meet both of my dates at neighboring restaurants and bounce back and forth between the two of them the whole evening,” said Riley.

“It is a big deal,” insisted Hobson. “And for the love of all that is holy, you’re playing an Xbox 360! Why do I hear sound effects from Pac-Man and Donkey Kong?” asked an exasperated Hobson.

While Hobson has dismissed the idea that his life is some sort of reality show conspiracy like The Truman Show, he is taking his recent discovery seriously. He has vowed to not let the clichés continue.

“It’s been hard, but I think I’m slowly getting there. Just yesterday, when meeting some friends for dinner, I caught myself trying to sit on the same side of the table with everyone,” said Hobson. “It’s those small victories that keep me going.”