With multiple corpses recently exhumed from the local graveyard and the number of missing villagers on the rise, Transylvanian citizens met Thursday evening to discuss rumors that Dr. Ivan Vonderkill, the new resident of Vonderkill Castle, has constructed a monster assembled from reanimated corpses.

Vonderkill’s grandfather unleashed a half-dead killing monstrosity 50 years ago. His family legacy along with recent bouts of loud laughter ringing from Vonkerkill Castle helped citizens decide the best plan of action was to form an angry mob and storm the castle.

“I say we go up there and show the good doctor that we won’t stand for a repeat of his grandfather’s crimes against nature! Let’s storm the castle!” screamed local farmer Olaf Van Buren.

Despite outraged cries of agreement, the hastily assembled mob failed to storm the castle due to a complete lack of organization. The first signs of trouble emerged when the mob realized no one brought torches.

“I thought it was Victor’s turn,” said Van Buren, whose accusations were denied by local shepherd Victor Wunderfurd. Wunderfurd insisted that he brought torches to the last angry mob march, and it was someone else’s turn. In addition, there wasn’t a single pitchfork in sight, as member after member of the angry mob quietly agreed bringing pitchforks completely slipped their minds.

While nothing could be done for the absent pitchforks, many members of the angry mob began their march holding cell phones in the air, their dim glow a sad substitute for the unavailable torches. Finally, at the urging of Van Buren, the cell phones were put away.

“It just looked pathetic,” said a regretful Van Buren. “Plus, it’s really hard to keep an angry mob mentality when someone’s cell phone next to you keeps playing a ZZ Top song for its ringtone.”

Upon leaving town square, an argument broke out between members of the angry mob over the best route to take to Vonderkill Castle. Some angry mob members, like local tailor Sven Scrumshaw, insisted that the direct climb up the slopes of Mount Vonderkill was the best way. Others, like local dairy farmer Van Reitcher, claimed a shortcut through the woods would provide a better path up the side of the mountain. After ten minutes of arguing, Van Buren made the decision to consult Google Maps.

“We decided we could send some men back to the nearest farm to look up directions online. Plus, while they were there, they could get a few torches and pitchforks. It was a win-win,” said Van Buren.

Unfortunately, the plan failed to come to fruition, as the angry mob member with the nearest home, farmer Draco Vondersmith, encountered Internet problems. Due to troubles with his wireless router, Vondersmith’s Internet was down. He tried calling his provider, only to discover his phone was down, too.

“We headed back to town square to deliver the bad news. Once we arrived, people were pretty angry. To make matters worse, in all the hustle and bustle of trying to get the Internet to work, we forgot to grab the torches and pitchforks,” said Vondersmith.

“We were all pretty angry,” said Van Buren. “We were back to square one, and we had lost a good half hour.”

Van Buren made the call for the angry mob to begin its trek up Mount Vonderkill. Ten minutes into the trek, their journey came to a standstill when a severe thunderstorm sent them scrambling for shelter in a nearby cave. Huddled in the cave, the angry mob began loudly bickering over Vondersmith’s assurance at the outset of the trip that it was going to be a clear evening.

“That’s what the weatherman said!” insisted Vondersmith, who had already angered the rest of the mob after returning without directions, pitchforks or torches earlier in the evening.

Once the storm subsided a half hour later, the angry mob resumed its hike, only at a much slower pace due to the muddy slopes.

“As we continued to sink into the mud, I realized we really should have taken the shortcut through the woods,” admitted a frustrated Van Buren.

Nearly an hour later, the angry mob finally reached the castle. While looking up at the massive fortified doors, the angry mob realized no one had thought to bring a battering ram.

“That was our lowest point,” said a bitter Van Buren. “Here we were looking up at the castle, unable to commence storming.”

The angry mob made the decision to send a small group back to the village to retrieve a battering ram. This caused another disagreement, as the angry mob argued over who should go. Someone suggested drawing straws, while others suggested a game of Paper, Rock, Scissors. This led to another argument.

After finally deciding on a group, the chosen men retrieved a battering ram, a trip that took nearly an hour. Then, the angry mob encountered one final disappointment. The castle’s groundskeeper, making his nightly rounds checking on the animals in the barn, informed the angry mob that Dr. Vonderkill and his hunchback assistant were not home.

“Apparently, Dr. Vonderkill teaches classes at a college two cities over a couple nights a week. At that point, we knew it would be pointless to storm the castle if no one was home,” said Van Buren.

Despite the angry mob’s disastrous evening, they have not given up on their enraged desire for mob justice. They plan to storm the castle tomorrow night, this time with proper torches and pitchforks.

“Tomorrow night, we’ll show Dr. Vonderkill and his monster that we mean business!” shouted Van Buren.

The rest of the angry mob agreed.

“Wait, we’re meeting tomorrow night? I thought we were meeting Friday night,” said Vondersmith. “That’s what several of the other guys were saying.”