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http://www.atomicicebox.net Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:12:58 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en (Washington, D.C.) In a unanimous vote Tuesday evening, all 100 members of the U.S. Senate voted in favor of a controversial health care reform bill after President Barack Obama promised anyone voting "aye" would receive a Google Wave invite. In addition to many Republicans vowing to not cede health care reform ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/obama-gets-senate-to-pass-health-care-reform-bill-with-promise-of-google-wave-invites/ After spending the weekend in jail for allegedly eating a portion of Mayor McCheese's head, the Hamburglar, longtime McDonald's mascot, checked himself into an undisclosed Malibu rehab facility this morning. He briefly spoke to reporters before entering the facility. "It's no secret that I've struggled with my addiction to burgers for ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/hamburglar-enters-rehab-after-attacking-mayor-mccheese/ (Cluj-Napoca, Transylvania) As millions of Twilight fans eagerly await the November 20 release of New Moon, the second film adaptation of the popular Twilight novel series, the Vampire Center for Disease Control and Prevention (VCDC) is urging young male vampires to refrain from going shirtless due to the dangers of ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/vampire-cdc-male-vampires-should-refrain-from-going-shirtless/ I recently met Bryan Murdaugh, a Catholic dad, youth minister, songwriter and musician living in Irmo, S.C. And by "met" I mean "accidentally ran over with my car." Bryan agreed to not sue me if I would plug his new album, Twenty-Nine, which will be available November 17 at www.bryanmurdaugh.com. ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/atomic-access-bryan-murdaugh/ (Washington, D.C.) With the entire world watching, Eric Schultz, a time traveler from the year 2034, warned his past self not to purchase a Zune MP3 player during a historic White House press conference Wednesday. “On November 3, 2009, my present self will purchase a Zune HD 32 GB Video MP3 ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/time-traveler-warns-past-self-not-to-purchase-zune-mp3-player/ (Baltimore, MD) High-pitched shrieks and hysterical, flailing women brought the afternoon symposium at the National Feminist Convention (NFC) in Baltimore to a halt Friday afternoon when a mouse ran across the floor of the packed Baltimore Convention Center. The more than 12,000 women in attendance stood up in their chairs ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/tiny-mouse-brings-feminist-convention-to-hysterical-halt/ With multiple corpses recently exhumed from the local graveyard and the number of missing villagers on the rise, Transylvanian citizens met Thursday evening to discuss rumors that Dr. Ivan Vonderkill, the new resident of Vonderkill Castle, has constructed a monster assembled from reanimated corpses. Vonderkill's grandfather unleashed a half-dead killing ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/highly-unorganized-mob-fails-to-storm-castle/ (New York) It all started last month when Lance Hobson arrived at his apartment with exciting news to share with his roommate, Jason Riley. Hobson had just found out he was being promoted at his accounting firm. "I ran into the living room and saw Jason sitting on the sofa. ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/mans-life-has-become-nothing-but-one-tv-cliche-after-another/ (Langdon, VA) Langdon County resident Kevin Tucker's decaying flesh and constant craving for human brains have local health experts suspecting he may have contracted swine flu after a recent trip to Mexico. County health officials are awaiting test results to determine if Tucker contracted swine flu after vacationing in Cancun ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/area-mans-craving-for-brains-may-be-symptom-of-swine-flu/ (Macon, GA) The toddlers at Hillcrest Public Library's Saturday Morning Storytime thought they were gearing up for a morning of enjoying the wacky antics of Clifford the Big Red Dog. But halfway through Clifford at the Circus, the story was interrupted by the angry cries of local resident Gary Lawson. "I ... http://www.atomicicebox.net/angry-citizen-screams-about-health-care-at-every-local-event/